.no.need.to.make.up...

...for small things. (Unlike men with amusingly small 'dinks')

This is the smallest gun in the whole world. YES, this nigga is for realz. And so are the bullets that could supposedly kill you. LOL. I'm not going to go into detail about it because I'm too lazy to explain something that someone else can do better LOL. >♥4 more info on the TOY♥

The Swiss bad boy, can be transformed into a blinging ass gun. This one was made hand-engraved 18k gold, and is covered with the ballerest diamonds. The tag on these guys START at $50,000! BALLLLLAAAHHHHH!!!!


Unfortunately the mini gun is illegal to own in Can and U.S. Due to its extremely small size, it has its biggest advantage: To straight blow someones brains out. Too bad it wasnt like that with small penises...you know... to blow the brains out with the most likely unsatisfying sex ever. hahahha. I'm a bitch ya face it.

.YOU.see.me.

...And I don't see you. Because your a stalker clown.

People break up and move on...well at least you did. Or in my case... with a few freaks, I never broke up with anyone... I got stalked for the sake of being stalked.

Stalkers NEVER know they are being freaks. And if they did, they will denying it to the end and justify their actions by blaming it on the victim with endless unjustified excuses. "she touched me on the shoulder once...." or "we kissed at one point..." how's "well you said you wanted to be in a relationship with someone..." Ya I said SOMEONE. NOT YOU.

SIGNS!
The phone stalker
*You needed to change your number
*You need to change blackberrys to change pins
*He magically acquires ur new phone # or new pin
*Blocks his number when he calls you
*Calls you from different peoples phones or... phone booths so you can't track him or block him.
*His name is the only missed call name in your call logs.
*His voice is the only one you hear on your answer machine
*He constantly texts you, and even continues to tell you about his day even after you've ignore his 7Th msg that day....
*Or whenever you hear a phone ring, you get a sick feeling in your stomach. That's when you know it's gotten bad.

The drive by stalker
*When you look out your window and suddenly he's been sitting there. Smart ones sit down the block. Hardcore ones just sit in the back of your house. (Like one of my ex's)
*You know he's driven by your house because suddenly he knows whose been over
*Actually has spies watching you from afar that report back to him.
*how about drives by other peoples house to check and see if you are there. For what reason? Who knows.

The info stalker
*This is the stalker that goes reads ur facebook from front to back or any websites that your on, to obtain info on whats going on in your life and what your doing and who your hanging with.
*Sometimes even going onto your friends pages to creep on pictures and read your responses
*steals your pictures off the Internet.

The delusional stalker (this is the dumb fuck I hate the most.)
*He tells people you are his girlfriend
*He makes up stories and stretches everything from a "HUG" to "ya we fucked"
*Gets crazy jealous if you talk to any other guys and yells at you as if you were together
*Changes his number because he thinks for some dumb reason you would call him. HAHA. What a joker.

There are so many types, but these are the main ones I can not stand and always hear about. This applies to girls too. Fuck stalker girls are annoying as fuck!

[friendly note: this was inspired by 5 different men! Don't be too flattered stalkers]

.who.wants.2.be.a.clown.

Me: Someone wrote on their facebook status: I HATE LIARS and I commented this: when someone lies to me. I just want to stick a gun down their mouth and scream "IS THAT UR FINAL ANSWER BITCH???!!" Then say "cuz u got about one SECOND to change it" Hahahahahaha
Tony baller: Hahaha how bout "DO YOU WANNA USE a FUCKIN LIFELINE???"
Me: Holy fuck. Baller status YO! hahahha

Mr​.green: So you say u want to use a life line, do A want to call the cops B play Russian roulette or C grow a fuck set of balls and defend yourself either way your still FUCKED!

Hahhahhaa ... fuck tooo funny! This is pretty funny too!
Ali G's = HOW TO WIN AN OUNCE
♥♥.

.u.know.ur.dads.crazy.when....

It's a beautiful sunny day out. So you and your best friend who happens to be a guy... are sitting outside on the picnic table in the yard. Enjoying the sun and talking for hours, catching up on everything you two have missed out on. Suddenly you notice 4 hours have past. And almost the whole time you were outside, so was your dad.

Suddenly, you notice your dad is mean muggin' your friend from every possible angle. My friend Kevin D. Hodgeson* and I have been friends for many years and my dads met him a hundred times. So why the sudden over protectiveness? Maybe Kev's wife beater was revealing to much skin. Maybe it was all that sweat that made Kevin look more "daughter-prowler" like. Whatever it was, it was making us really uncomfortable. But we tried to ignore him.

Just when you think everythings cool.... your crazy ass dad rolls out of the garage holding a giant weed wacker. And hes holding it in the air like a ♥CHAIN SAW♥. He's got that look in his eyes. Like "stay the fuck away from my little girl!" and hes got fangs suddenly and you could almost hear a growl... yes a growl. Then he holds up the weed wacker, looks Kevin dead in the eyes and pulls the string and a you hear the engine ROARRR... then he runs over and cuts Kev's head off...

Thats how you know your dads fucking BUCK. O.k, fine he didn't cut his head off. And I totally extended the story a bit, but seriously. Dad stares him dead in the eyes, without blinking and without taking his eyes off of Kev. Turns on the wacker and starts mutilating the grass along the side of the garage like a ♥VIET CONG♥.

"Well... I better be getting on my way now... uh talk to you sometime soon..."
"Well I had a great time, you should come over for dinner! My mom makes great food!"
"..."

*Kevin D. H. = My Lebster (1 of my best friends in the whole world)

.new.edition.rape.van.

That's some serious RAPE TINT goin' on yo!

Ya man... you read it right. Here's a way more "luxurious" way to roll out. In full out prowler mode. I was in a car when I looked over and there it was... this brand new bus like van. It was HUGE.. like you could STAND in this thing. Well I think you can?? I yell out "OMG its the newly improved rape van!" Tinted windows and ALL. Mikes like "whoa you can now rape her standing up!" HAHAHHA... HILARIOUS!!! I guess if you think about it... it's less heat right?

The PIGS are most likely going to be out looking for one of these:

.the.coolest.JAP.CRAP.ever.

Someone once asked me if I were to die and come back, what would I come back as. I said I'd come back as a Jap! HANDS DOWN! Fuck why not? Their history is buck, they created a vending machine that has ...♥USED PANTIES♥ in them... what else. Oh sushi? Sushi rocks yo! Other then sushi, used panties and hello kitty... Japanese people are so fucking awesome. Awesome and wierd like me. Check out these fucked up inventions:

hahahhahahaha holy fuck... classic.

I need one of these fake dudes LOL!!!

I totally want those. Don't wanna ruin my sexy shoes! hehe!

So Lazy! LOL!

This needs to be in my purse. LOL! A butter stick! BALLER!

Now that's just cute!!

Oh... you Jap people are so funny... LOL.

.JAIL.advice.4.the.WEAK.&.SCARED.

So I just returned from Drumheller today, went to go visit a close friend whose in jail. And another friend who I call "Yellow" asked me how he was doing and that was how the old memory of our prison ass convo came abouts...

Me: what
should I call you in my
blog?

Yellow: call me the
man of your dreams

Me: hmm
ahahhahaha

Yellow: Fine, the
reason
I breath.

Me:
hmmm....
keep going...

yellow: The
best thing that's ever happen
to you.

Me: Try again.

Yellow: ha I dunno you
descibe me then.

Me: His
name is yellow
because he stinks like pee.

Yellow: you suck.

HAHHAHA... OK that was totally random. Anyways, so we were all out for dinner and a debate on prison ass breaks out. He was the first to explain the "fuck or be fucked" rule. The table goes quiet. He then begins to explains, "if I were to go to jail, the first thing I would do is go find a smaller weaker guy and rape him. No one wants to rape a guy who rapes other guys." HAHHAHA.... to be honest. It truly did make a lot of sense. So there you go to newbie jail-birds! Some bro to bro advice for ya!! He also says that's showing a little boob during the visitations goes a long way. His exact words are "he hasn't seen a real breast in so long... if you showed him the real thing, even for a second. You don't think hes going to go back to his cell and shits not going to go down?" Some bro to hoe advice I guess.... to be more generous with exposing more of your ta tahs!! "so think of it as charity work." HAHA. What a guy!
"I rather be the fucker then the fucked." -Mr.Yellow.

.home.torture.

I went grocery shopping with a gf the other day. Of course my dumb ass buys a giant bag of delicious bacon and Cheddar frozen perogies. Mmmm... I got low fat sour cream though. I mean does that even count????

It's 12:30 am. I'm awake and hungry as FUCK. Like always. Always hungry. Because there is this new diet I am recently trying out. The NO EATING diet. It's been around for centuries. It does wonders for some, and other times it just kills a bitch. Straight up puts you 6 foot under kill-a-bitch styles. But hey, you know you never know unless you try it out right?

Anyways, I'm sitting here dreaming of the perogies and how much I would like to drench them in butter mmmM god... and drown them in sour cream. BUT, instead... I am eating a grapefruit.
HAHAHHAHAHHHA TRUST ME... I was laughing my face off when I looked over at the savagely eaten grapefruit too. hahahhahah soooo S A V A G E....
Here, I even took a close up so you can see JUST how savage it looks. HAHHA... fuck.. what is the point of buying goods if you can't even indulge. Life is horrible... sometimes. Other times, I just want to jump with glee and then knock someone out on the way back down to reality. LOL.

.do.you.think...

I will get the job? I don't see why not. It's bold, creative and honest. I thought, that was what employers were looking for now a days. It's the 2000's man. It's time to change that shiznat up a bit. You know... not be BORING and DULL!!!! Have you watched the movie "I love you man"? Ya well... look how many calls that mofo got after his friend put up all those wacky and "out there" ad's hahahaaaha... Whatevz...

I'll let you know if I get a job or not.

.what.white.nigga*.n.I.do.

Ryan and I stopped in HOMESENSE about a month ago. And we saw these giant lettered bookends. So awesome, I tried to spell S N M. But it didn't flow right, because it was the letter "N" and not the "&" symbol. I shoved Ryan aside and said "let me unleash my creativity out." And this is what I spelt:

I think I am creative and quite colorful too. Of course we left homesense forgetting to undo the letters... My sweet as sugar friend Mary Mary says "Omg Kim... little kids are going to see that!" Oh well, come on people. It's inevitable. If they learn A is for Apple, and E is for EFF... Then they will learn C is for CUNT. Might as well ingrain that shiznat in their heads now then later. It's almost as if I contributed to society or something... kinda. Right or... no?

*According to Hai van... Ryan's real name is White Nigga.

.and.u.call.urself.a.man.

[NOTE: this post was inspired by an ex. Fuckin fag LOL]
I always hear about girls being too NEEDY or too insecure or whatevz. But FUCK! NOTHING makes me feel more DISGUSTED than being with a needy insecure WHINY fucking BITCH of a man. YEAH that's right. This is a fair warning to ALL men and ALL ladies out there to WATCH it. You wanna know the fastest way to lose your love ones. Than follow these steps.

1. I Don't wanna hear you bitch when I leave your side. I am not GLUED to your effin' HIP.
2. When I go out. Don't have a problem with my clothes or dare ask me to change what I am wearing or I WILL wear some OTHER guy.
3. Don't have an insecure breakdown when I am out with the opposite sex or WORSE get pissed I'm out period. I need a life. Let me live it or you won't even be APART of mine.
4. Don't fucking WHINE. Whining is for a little 3 year old who just pissed themselves.
5. Don't fucking freak out and break my things. Breaking things are for little babies who don't know better. And those toys are usually quite cheap and replaceable.
6. Don't BLACKMAIL me with anything. The second YOU try to dangle something over me, so you can be empowered by my weakness YOUR FUCKING DONE.
7. Don't threaten or lay your hands on me or make me feel threatened what so ever. You come near me with your bullshit and I will show you how fast I can stab your neck before you get to me. Prick.
8. Don't accuse me of anything. "YOU were flirting or you cheated on me" shit talk. Cause chances are you keep up with your insecure whiny ways. And yeah, I will.
9. When I tell you to beat it. Fucking pick your pride off the ground and JUST walk away.

Favourite thing to say: "Um, excuse me... would you please just back the fuck up. Ahhhhhhchoooo! I am allergic to LOSERS!!!!!"